Getting back in the swing of things and “putting myself out there” is tough. I have had to resolve to literally make myself write daily, and I never know what I am going to say as I sit down here to type. It’s funny because I used to love to write, and I used to love to answer questions and put myself out there to help others. But that was the old Ego. This person I am now, sometimes I would rather hide behind the reed wall and have it talk to you. With that said, I am more than willing to help if needed. In fact, I cannot stand to sit and watch a struggle or unresolved situation if I have input.
With this trend of hiding behind the reed wall, I realize that I have written some about issues and resolutions, but really not a lot about me and my own experiences. Some of my experiences of the past several years, the spiritual journey types of experiences, I really don’t know how to put into words. That makes it a bit of a bummer when people say “What have you been doing? Tell me all about it!” because I spit out broken thoughts and cannot really say. I bet I sound like a real nut job! I think part of this is my spirit’s defense against connecting too strongly with any one person. I have noticed, and been ashamed that, once I really connect I often leave with a feeling of having been unclean or like I’ve done something bad when what I’ve really done is exposed my Self to someone else. The feeling has me pull back even more, and so the cycle goes.
There must be a reason that I am confessing this here today. Perhaps it is a frail attempt to apologize to some who I have abandoned after our souls briefly touched, or maybe it’s just so that others can understand themselves through my experiences. That is certainly how I learn. Either way it leaves me vulnerable and feeling a bit yucky. But my higher self compels me to continue this train of thought.
The truth is, I have had a really crazy last 7 years. Hey, don’t we go in 7 year cycles? I suppose this one is over since it began in January of 2007, and it couldn’t be over soon enough. In that month, my stepfather died suddenly, left my mother destitute, and we began an odyssey of dysfunction and mental illness and general disruption and stress. I suppose that I could give myself a break from stepping back out of the more public realm and keeping my own sanity and health afloat (barely!) during this cycle. And there is the topic that Kem, my higher self, had in mind for us today. If I was a bit vague about it, the crux of this message is to give yourself a break. Understand where you’ve been, chalk it up to experience, learn from it, and keep going. Certainly do not hang on to it. Half the battle is to recognize when you are done with something, and free yourself to move on without that nasty baggage.
As I was typing this, Kem pointed out to me that at this point in 2007, my stepfather had been dead for 5 days (he died on 1/20 and today is 1/25). It was only in the last 3-5 days that I made the decision to begin blogging, writing, reaching out and connecting again. In other words, I was free of the cycle. It’s interesting how our universe works isn’t it? So methodical that it’s fascinating! As an aside, we know that 5 means change…It is in the next 5 days that I will meet with an Elderlaw attorney to discuss the legal aspects of preparing to put my mother into a nursing home. Then 5 days after that on 2/4 I have an appointment with a lovely energy worker named Linda Marshall who is going to do a session on me. Had I not written this blog today, I would certainly not have seen that pattern! I didn’t know what I wanted Linda to do, but told her my guides wanted a “reset” or “reboot” of sorts. There I have my 555, 3 instances of “stuff” 5 days apart. I know I’m nerdy but I love seeing the synchronicity.
I’m going to close this one now, but I am so excited! And I want anyone who reads this to ponder their own stuff for a bit because I am excited for all of you. “Things” don’t just happen to or for me…we are all connected so we are all going through macro and micro versions of the same types of stuff. And I know I keep saying this, but folks I swear I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I can at least sense it is upcoming. Don’t give in and don’t give up yet!
Namaste,
Anna
