I had a rough day yesterday in regards to lessons, coming at me fast and furious. It exhausted me truthfully. Left me feeling raw and vulnerable.
Reopening myself to growth, truth, and a higher vibration of being sort of opened the floodgates. I am amazed at how quickly the lessons have come and how clearly I have seen them, and how fast. Recognizing that there is in fact something being shown to you is one part, then you have to understand it, then decide to do something about it. But then…then you have to remember IN THE MOMENT that you are triggered next time to ACT. So you see, it’s not so easy to just change a habit or a pattern. It actually takes some work and dedication. Which is why most people never change. Hey, I never said it was easy or wonderful.
The first thing that I did was to go into a meditation, which was supposed to involve my “team mate” Dede (we are working on the same thing, so we teamed up). Well what did Nicole do? I didn’t involve my team mate at all. In fact, I left her out of the whole damn thing that I did. I was ashamed, perplexed, and told her in all sincerity that I should remove team player from my resume. Geez.
Then yesterday, I reverted back into an old subconscious pattern that I have regarding communication. I realized that I had something scheduled that would be during mine and Shaun’s “off time,” meaning time that we are home together and usually do something together, or fix dinner, or whatever. And it’s not that I can’t schedule anything during that time…it’s more that in 43 years I am still learning how to get my needs met in a mature way that doesn’t involve some dysfunctional behavior. I forgot to tell him about the appointment, and sprung it on him at the last minute. Well that DID result in an argument and I have to take full responsibility for my lack of communication. But that’s not the best part!
Turns out, the appointment was on my calendar for a time an hour earlier than originally scheduled. It involved 3 people via WebEx, and one was Mountain Time, me Central Time, and another Eastern Time. So not only did I cause an argument through poor communication, but I had the wrong time (due to poor communication), and then I had to cancel, impacting two other people. Yes, geez.
At this point I was completely exhausted, and when I tried to edit a FB post, it started all over again. I tried to remove a line of text FOUR TIMES from a post. Each time, hitting Delete or Back would back me up to the previous page I was at in the browser. Finally I managed to complete that. Double geez.
I suppose that I can add to this that I am really not ready to use my voice – i.e., talk on the phone – for personal reasons. If it’s business I flip a mental switch and I’m here, but I cringe at having to speak to someone verbally. Wow at that revelation. I have some major things I am working on right now.
The fact that I saw these things pop out at me, well I am feeling good about that. But I’m still not sure what to do. I think, though, that using my voice – my presence of mind – is part of it. Not the ego part of me, that little child who thinks she never gets what she wants, but my essence. Yeah, that’s it! I want to stop and thank you all for listening to me so that I could get to this revelation!
Everything is a vibration. You are probably familiar with the scripture, from Genesis I think, that says that in the beginning, there was the word. The word – whether it be spoken (i.e., SOUND/VIBRATION), or thought (which is also a wave/vibration!) The act of creation embodied by the story of “let there be light” is also the act of a vibrational tone. I am seeing this so clearly now, that I think I get why I needed to see this relationship between communication (voice/thought) and intent. We use our hardware (vocal chords and/or brain) to enact it. Wow again – this is just what my guidance team has shown me in meditation – Idea(s) + Mechanics + Focused Intent = Bringing Spirit into Matter. Wow.
I think I better stop there…I’m on a roll and don’t want to do anything to jeopardize this clarity!
Woo hoo, and Namaste. And always #missingerin
