Let It Go

I wish that I could coherently describe, or even formulate in my brain, the phases of change that I have gone through just in the last 3 months. I know that a few weeks ago I was transmuting. Now, the definition of transmute is to completely change the form, appearance, or nature of (someone or something). So what I was carrying on the inside emotionally and mentally, in the same spirit as alchemy I transmuted it into something new. I began making my new story in other words.

Now for those of you who have known me and my esoteric work for a long time, you know that I have done a lot of emotional clearing. It’s not hard to figure out the mechanics, a little harder to make yourself face and figure out your issues, and it gets to be a bitch when you realize you have multiple layers like an onion to peel. But this is something new, and something that I can’t quite put into words. My team has repeatedly shown me though that it’s literally dismantling every molecule of something and putting it back together into different forms. You can apply this to the physical, mental, emotional, etc. I know – a lot to wrap your mind around. Honestly if the visuals hadn’t been pounded into my psyche, I may not even understand enough to write.

But this week…the theme is Let it Go. More specifically, Let it Flow. Maybe both, but it’s definitely a flow. Of course as soon as that theme was given I was bombarded in my mind with the song from Frozen. That was a little upsetting since Erin loved it so much. But the theme is there and I want to share some of the interesting things happening with me this past week or so.

When I got back from the beach, I had an issue immediately with Erin’s laptop. I’ve been using her laptop since it was virtually brand new last year. Well it stopped charging, and since I’m in IT, I figured out it was the DC power jack. That’s the input hole where you plug the cord into the laptop, and DC stands for Direct Current. Well, symbolically I suppose all of my transmuting shorted it out. It’s also physically attached to the Mother Board. See the synchronicities?

Well the next thing that has happened is that my debit card was compromised somehow. The bank asked yesterday if I had used my card at Schnuck’s grocery in St Louis. Nope, and they cancelled my card. A few things there…that was my card that Erin picked out with the cute kitty on it. Makes me somewhat sad and I plan to keep the card. But St Louis? Geez, that comes up a shit load. We visited there last year with Erin – went to the arch and the museum below but didn’t go up in the arch. We also visited the zoo before leaving to go to her appointment in Iowa. My newest favorite beer, Shock Top, is bottled in St Louis. After a year break a show I like which has a lot of stuff inserted into it – Defiance – came back on and it is built over Old St Louis (see the show for details). The arch was just blown up. So I looked at the esoteric meaning of St Louis and found this page: Stellar St Louis. Stuff I never knew. I have no idea what it all means but it keeps popping up for me and has meaning.

And my mother showed up again yesterday or the day before. I smelled her perfume/hairspray/smoke smell. No idea what she wanted. No communication, just the smell. I have transmuted my feelings towards her, but I have not let it go. I always told her I will never let you off the hook for your actions. What I meant was that I have forgiven you, but you still did these things, and you have to take responsibility. I will not absolve you. Well, I guess I have to let that go because otherwise I am carrying the burden of making her responsible. And you know, I can’t do that. I can never force her to do that, only she can. Hopefully she is healing that stuff on her side of the veil.

Then last night, I had the strong feeling and thought that I could finally grieve my brother in law Greg. If I had been home when I had that, I would have finally cried and let all of that out. I miss him. I miss his sense of humor, his good heart, and his company.

I read a lot of metaphysical stuff about the New Earth. Now whatever that is, it makes sense that I cannot arrive and live on New Earth without transmuting and letting go. I heard Erin this morning say goodbye. I know there is a meaning for me to find, and it’s not the same goodbye that I heard the night she died. It did freak me out though! I was like what? Not to you! But then I knew I had a rabbit hole to jump down and it has to do with the move into something new, different, more harmonious. Other than that I don’t know what I am talking about. LOL! I guess I should also consider the synchronicity of this occurring on the date of the Declaration of Independence. There is certainly a lot of symbolism there.

Wish me luck with my letting go. I hope not too many more things break on me this week! Namaste, #missingerin and #missingunclegreg, and Happy 4th of July!