I have not posted in a few weeks, and I still don’t have words flowing to do so. But I am feeling a horrendous nudge (yes, horrendous) to say something since I am ignoring the even bigger nudge to post a few pictures and things that I never got around to doing in 2015. I also have to post on my MissingErin.net site. I purposely avoid it because it hurts too damn much.
So with that said, every day is a challenge and just when I think I have the emotional strength to confront what is going on inside of me I wuss out. I can feel it, hear it, I know what it is, but I just don’t’ want to engage it. For a month or so I wake every day and cry before I get out of bed, then stay in the dumps during the day. I’m off work the last two weeks of this year and can’t even sleep in and enjoy myself. Yesterday before 5 I was awake, having had a dream about Erin, and was upset. Plus I’ve been sick with a head cold since Sunday.
I promise that I will post what I feel I need to before the new year. Maybe even today, who knows. I suppose that I don’t need to promise you all, but I do need to promise me. Aside from my grief I have a whole lot of stuff going on inside of this brain and body, and to fully process it I probably need to write about it.
Anyway, whatever you celebrate at this time of year, I wish you enJOYment and lots of love and kindness. <3
#missingerin and Namaste
