Sometime early in January, I thought, I am going to dedicate myself to write every day again. Well, I have been integrating and working out a lot of stuff deep within, and have not been able to bring myself to do anything more than write a private email about it here and there. And even in that case, I have been largely quiet. Sometimes you just need to take the time to absorb and let things settle.
In my case, it was the huge release of grief gunk that Chloe Hudson helped with in January. I am still sad, don’t misunderstand, but it’s a lighter type of sad. I may have mentioned that she saw me as wearing a Kevlar suit with spikes that were turned inward. It sure felt like that.
I had another, shorter, session with Chloe the other day and it took a different path, but was very good. I have no idea at this point what I have ever mentioned, but I have had several sessions of different types with intuitives, psychics, mediums, etc. since Erin’s body died. She comes in loud and clear in each one. There is no way they would say the things they say, if it wasn’t her talking to them or through them! She also communicates with me regularly in a myriad of ways.
So I have “risen” in vibration or frequency to another level so to speak. It’s a different space, to describe it more neutral (have I ever mentioned how sucky Earth languages are at communicating concepts?). Anyway, I have had some odd dreams this week since and I finally figured them out today. In the first dream, me and some other people, who promptly disappeared, went to some island chain somewhere. It was funny because when I looked around, they were tiny little islands that weren’t so far apart and you probably could have swam between them. The people had disappeared, though, and my first conscious thought was that someone said there might be piranha in these waters. I never saw any, but the more afraid I got the smaller my island shrank until it was really just a rock about 2 feet out from my feet on either side. I remember thinking, oh no, what if the waves splash me and one bites me? About that time, I noticed my luggage, sitting in the water but right next to a tall chest of drawers. Yep, right in the ocean. So I climbed up a few times on top of it, then would find myself back on my rock. I finally woke up.
Last night, I dreamed that I was in “my” house. I apparently had a rather large walk in closet. As I walked through it, I could see my clothes AND Erin’s clothes hanging there. I was telling myself, be positive, don’t let this get you down because you BELIEVE you will see her soon. Then I went into the bathroom to pee. The bathroom, attached to the closet, was apparently a U shape and had another closet on the opposite side from the toilet. As I passed, I thought, I wonder what’s back there! As a child I was always afraid of what I could not see, even if the house had been locked up all day. But I sat down and peed with no problem.
But then I came back through. I remember seeing a green shirt of Erin’s that was in like a dry cleaner plastic hanging there. It wasn’t anything she has in reality, but you know, in the dream it was hers. And I was going to pee again. When I passed through the bathroom door this time, my vibration had fallen and I was immediately afraid of who or what was in the other section. Well, the damn lights went out and would not come back on. I have had this recurring nightmare with the lights all of my life and had no idea what it meant until just this morning. I sat down because I had to go, and thought I am going to will these lights to come back on. I raised both arms, smiled, and yelled “Let there be light!” to the top of my lungs! LOL It didn’t work, but I was trying to put on a brave face. I got up, fairly scared, and tried the switches again with no luck. Then I woke up.
In both of these dreams, things happened due to a fear response. In emotional terms, there are two polarities — Love and Fear. All other emotions are vibratory flavors of those two poles. Obviously, grief would fall in the fear spectrum. I also want to point out that many people say FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. Well, that works for sure in these two dreams.
In the water dream, I responded to what someone told me might be true. I had no evidence of it, and it never even presented itself during the experience. But I believe it, and I was afraid, and so things were “closing in on me” as a result. The dresser or chest of drawers represented things I keep such as thoughts, beliefs, or memories. Water if the collective consciousness, and emotions. So what I was doing was floating out in the collective emotional body of All That Is, and all of us, and I made someone else’s suggestion my own belief. Then I tried to climb up on my own beliefs to help myself out but just couldn’t seem to stay there. The luggage I haven’t mentioned, but it could be anywhere from preparing for travel or my baggage (anything from necessities to useless emotions, etc.). I suspect it was there to symbolize baggage, since I climbed on and over it to get to my dresser full of beliefs and memories.
For last night’s dream, as soon as my vibration fell, I lost clarity or the ability to “shed light on” anything. I found myself in darkness, alone and afraid. It’s funny because I was peeing which can mean, getting rid of something undesired or unwanted. So I tried, bless my heart, to get rid of that lower vibe but I guess I could not do a good enough job of it! Now the interesting thing here is that Erin’s shirt tried to show me a gift from her – green (and especially that particular shade of emerald green) is the color of the heart chakra. In a meditation last summer, Erin and Archangel Michael both gave me an emerald green candy ring (you know those big ones kids like!). Then before the meditation was over, they both put it into my heart chakra to restore it. My point is I understand the emerald green gift from Erin.
I feel like I probably have an article detailing the emotional spectrum, but don’t know which one it is. It’s been years since I was an emotional clearing counselor and regularly writing articles. Since just before Erin was born actually. Ironic huh that it took her death to throw me back into the fray. I understand it though. I had to pull from every tool in my bag, and find new ones and new ways to use the old ones. I haven’t been fighting for my life, but have been fighting for my sanity for sure. And hopefully, my fight will help some other people. Even just one would be outstanding.
Do look for an article on the value of experiencing emotions, though. I need to add to what I have published and learned about emotional clearing and our time spent here in these bodies on this planet. Until then, Namaste, blessings, #missingerin and #lovingerin (Thanks for that one RE).
<3
