I am so exhausted emotionally and mentally right now, I decided why not just streamline daily blog post names and make it easy? Well, I decided so I suppose that is a statement! So here is what is going on today…
I have thought for days about telling FaceBook “I Love You!” I haven’t acted on it, but logged in to see an old classmate WS posting his own I love you to his FB friends. I thought, OK this is my clarion call, let’s do this. And I did! Yay! Saying I love you is so powerful, and so controversial in some regards. People seem to think there is only romantic love, or that you can’t say I Love You to people who you don’t romantically love, or who aren’t close family. What if they get the wrong idea?! they may say. Well, I say, What if they feel loved?! How awesome would that be? (Pretty awesome is the answer)
I don’t take credit for this. I learned about saying I Love You’s from listening to Matt Kahn on YouTube. And from reading his new book, Whatever Arises, Love That. I have tried it myself, out loud and in my own mind, saying I love you to people and to myself and wow, it is phenomenal. But, I must say that how I personally felt hearing it AND saying it, I have been both warmly surprised and strangely bewildered.
So Matt K. suggests that you start by saying I love you to your Self. Say it daily, for up to 2 minutes at a time. Say it as needed. Say it once if that’s all you can get out. Say it out loud, or silently. That’s the gist of it – sorry I do not have Matt’s instructions on hand. In fact, say all of the things to YOU that you have always wanted to hear from others. Your psyche/ego doesn’t know the difference. It really just needs to hear them. And if you don’t love YOU first, well, why expect to hear it from others right? You do love you don’t you?
Oh, I thought I did, I really did. But the first time I said I Love You to myself, maybe a month ago, boy I felt awful. My heart chakra felt like utter poop. I thought, how strange, why would I react this way to loving me? I don’t know, maybe I have been so critical of me for so long, my self didn’t believe me? I had to stop for that day, but picked it up the next day. It felt somewhat better. And the next, better than before. You get the picture. It was a welcome addition to the unconditional love “switch” that had been flipped in me since Erin’s body died. I can’t describe that to you, unfortunately, other than to say that it’s just a different and distinct feeling. If you want to know more, just ask. I would love to discuss it with you 🙂
Fast forward to this morning. I wanted to spread love. Pure love, kindness, and so forth and so on. And I did! But then I had the strangest feeling. With my heart chakra open wide (I could feel it), I felt vulnerable and a little uneasy. I think maybe I was feeling fear. You know that fear you feel when you meet a new friend, but the energy is just too much and so you pull away? Ok, if that doesn’t make sense, what comes to mind is when you open up a little too much, and then you feel a little dirty. The dirty part is shame. Oh, I was too real. Now these people will not like me. I’m exposed. Vulnerable. Felt good at the time but now I am ashamed. I bet each of you can insert your own thoughts there, or may have echoed mine at one time or another.
Keep in mind – this is NOT a comment on anyone who thought or said I love you back! This is me, working out my own dysfunction, but out loud and to/with you as a reader. Honestly I was on top of the world until my inner child (read: ego) got involved. That’s the important part there…when acting via my HEART it felt and was wonderful. When acting via my mind, it was still wonderful but felt awful. Remember that shame is just a flavor of fear. False Evidence Appearing Real.
You see lovelies, all that I did here was stop to feel and honor the feeling I was having (both physically and emotionally), and then examine it to see what was up. Now that I know, I can move through it. And I will, because tomorrow I am going to show up bright and early and love you some more. Out loud, or at least in print.
If you are still reading as you wonder “Why is love so important?”, let me share this with you. You can listen but may want to watch as you can see the emotion flowing.
And here’s an excerpt of the last bit…
Alan Steinfeld: One “I love you” at a time?
Matt Kahn: Yes. One “I love you” at a time.
Alan Steinfeld: Is there more to do with this? Is there another level?
Matt Kahn: Um-hum. More love – until we forget the one who is loving; until we lose track of the one who is being loved. And, there’s just love loving love – until the entire planet and universe explodes in the grace of your almighty presence. So, love away.
Wow. Love away indeed. I can promise you that if you hold love in your heart, nothing will bother you or get you down. I’ve experience it truly for the first time in these last few months, one I love you at a time.
Namaste, Nutmaste, blessings, and #missingerin and #lovingerin <3
