Today I feel like I am ready to pop and literally vomit all that is within out onto you. But I really don’t want to do that. Maybe you didn’t ask for it. I tried posting food for thought on FaceBook but people take it as if they have to oppose and get mad. I reply, only to hold the line on what I was originally saying, but it turns into a discussion then and I’m really done with that. It’s clear that most people are not open to another way of looking at things. I wish I could let you into my brain so that you could see how many times a day I explore another option, another idea, another way of thinking about some thing or some one. I look at all the angles. I don’t know another way to be, and so that’s what I do.
I was taught at a young age to take sides. It’s us or them, and the us pretty much included only those who were exactly like us. There was no room for different. Then I got to school and learned things like how to write a research paper, how to write an essay, how to give a speech and how to debate. Do you know what those things have in common? Well I’ll tell you (LOL). To do them well, you take a side and you stick with it, and you utterly decimate the other side. It doesn’t matter if you agree with it or not, you must be relentless in your fact stating, power of persuasion, etc. After all, you are posing and theoretically winning an argument right? Heaven forbid that maybe both you AND someone else are correct and could compliment each others work and information. Nope, doesn’t work that way here in duality.
I am somewhat horrified today at how good I was, am, at what I just spoke about. Damn good. So good it was too bad that I wasn’t on the debate team or something (I was too busy socializing to do anything extra-curricular). But get me in a social situation where there was any type of taking of sides, and I probably was an utter bitch to you. It didn’t have to be an academic argument for me to pummel your side and strengthen mine. Only once or twice do I remember realizing that I didn’t have the political clout or brute force strength to win an argument.
Fast forward to, well, many years ago at this point. Hence why I say I am somewhat horrified…because do you know who forces their point and wins arguments like that? Bullies, that’s who. I was a bully, and so are many people you know who are friends, leaders, spouses, FaceBook friends, and the list goes on. Even your preacher is a bully. He/she stands in the pulpit throwing hell fire and brimstone at you on Sundays, telling you if you don’t follow what they are saying you are going to hell. That’s a form of bullying folks, and the best one my brain came up with right now. As may be your boss at work, your wife who says if you don’t come home now she will divorce you, the parent who beats their child into submission. You get the point by now.
Instead, all of those folks I mentioned above could use love and stories of love to get their points across. Why would you want to be like Jesus? Well, by all accounts he was a great fellow. Here’s a story about something he did – aren’t you inspired? I am! Or maybe your wife says, honey I really miss you, and I’m lonely. Would you come home? It would really make me feel better. Then you might have, instead, the motivational boss who helps you to get to where you need to be (versus “do it because I said so.”), and the parent who reacts differently to their child.
I have really gone a tad bit off topic here but, it was important to mention. Now, something else about bullies and to take a line from The Police, also poets, priests, and politicians (who have words to thank for their positions). They will twist and turn words until – again from The Police – their logic ties you up and rapes you. They will mince words. They will, in the end, not only have you agree with them but agree with them no matter whether you even understand why.
Here’s an example from a conversation that I had today regarding – ugh should I even say it? – Trump’s latest comments as well as something from our local senator Jeff Sessions. I really didn’t want to talk politics, only stated that touching without consent is assault, and that some of the language used supported rape culture. A few folks who, I believe just happen to be supporters, stated things like “He didn’t actually say X, Y, or Z.” and “It depends on consent, right?” Then a few more about “he didn’t say he actually grabbed anyone.”
I will leave it to you to decide who said and did what. It really doesn’t matter – it’s the defense position (and the offense) that I am pointing out. Mincing words instead of taking responsibility. Deflecting. All are tactics that are well-used in “winning” a race for anything, or imposing your opinion.
I prefer to stick with the facts. I am also tired of women being blamed for being pretty, or how they are dressed, or what type of person people think they are based on what they say or what they do. If I want you to touch me, you will know it without question. Do not touch me otherwise or you will be going to jail for assault. Don’t show me your private parts either, or send them in pictures. Do not assume that you can do whatever you want to and that it’s ok, because it is not ok. THAT is the conversation we should be having. Who really cares what Donald Trump is saying when we should be respecting ourselves and our fellow humans? I am not stating that rhetorically. Really – who? Not very many from my estimates.
I hope I am no longer a bully. I really strive not to be while still being me, which is a strong personality. But I’ll tell you what else I am…I am intelligent, well-read, and an outstanding problem-solver. Don’t try to fool me with your rhetoric or half-truths because you can’t and I will call you out on it every time. And if you are doing that, realize that you also disrespect yourself. I don’t want you to do that either. Use your own mind to think for your own self. Don’t defend the status quo just because. Do treat every person and every situation as unique and use that beautiful brain of yours to stop the blame game and react differently. I promise it can be done. I do it every day (and nope, I’m not perfect).
I love you all and I thank you for letting me get this one out. I could have written tons more, but at that point it would have just been complaining. I love you ladies and I love you gentlemen. You all know I am inclusive and not exclusive, and expect equality and fairness for all and in all.
Namaste, blessings, nutsmaste, #missingerin, and #LovingErin <3
