I realize that I have not written much in January but I have been either busy or sick. I realized this week that most of the time when I say “I’m sick” I’m not truly sick. Well, sick for me, but not truly sick. Sick means feels bad. Could be sinus. Could be too much beer (but not in awhile). Could be fatigue. This time, though, I got a real physical illness.
The journey there and back is the story I want to tell you though. I really don’t believe that anything is random. Every single thing we experience serves our greater journey and the day to day steps that we take to get there. Good stuff, bad stuff, it’s all part of the simulation we’re running called “My Earth Life.” Let me also remind me (and you) that there are no mistakes or failures, only learning experiences.
Week before last I attended a funeral on Tuesday and on Thursday evening I went to Atlanta to be with my family there. Both events were stressful for me, and even though I take decent care of myself I woke up overly tired on Friday morning. You’d think that would be clue #1 (because it always precedes an illness or migraine), but nope, I was laser focused on being there for my cousin and completing whatever tasks we had ahead of us for the weekend. But on Saturday night I had to call it and I went to bed at 8:30.
On Sunday I got up to go home and could feel a chest cold coming on so I even stopped and bought Mucinex. I drove the 200 miles home, went to get Shaun and I food and also went to get something for the cold I assumed I had. Since I now had a thermometer, I confirmed that I had a fever and went to bed for a few days. I had a business trip coming up on Wednesday and Tuesday was my travel day.
Now I bet you’re thinking…why didn’t you stay home girl? I’ll remind you of that next time you say “But I have to take my kids to volleyball.” Or “I have to do laundry.” Or whatever. You understand. Plus, let me just say that the topic of the business meeting was something I am interested in, so I wanted to attend.
My fever broke Monday night, just in time for the 24 hour rule for fevers and going places. I actually felt good on Tuesday and made my way to the airport. But by the time I got to my destination around 7pm, the dreaded cough came. It kept me up all night. I apologize to whomever was in the room next to me.
Other than the nagging cough I felt fine. So I medicated up and got my shower and made my way to the first day of meetings. But that damn cough…it was a bad one. I kept it at bay like you would a rabid dog with cough drops etc. all day but I knew I wasn’t going to live another night with it, so at the end of the day I went to an urgent care. Picture me…it’s cold as hell where I was and I had no rental car. I Uber’d to urgent care, and after that a pharmacy, then to the hotel. But I digress…
My throat looked pretty rough, but I thought it was from the cough. Or maybe I had strep. So they did a strep test and a flu test. I had the Flu! I haven’t had the flu in years and could not believe it. It was a mild flu. I had actually been to one of my more natural doctors the Monday prior and they agreed I did not have flu symptoms but did have cold symptoms. Believe it or not, at the urgent care I had no fever and my lungs sounded fine. But due to the positive flu test, I had to disclose and later cancel my second day of meetings (well, they went on without me). I was bummed. Hadn’t I done everything right? Why me? Will they all be mad at me if by some off chance I got them sick? UGH.
I also couldn’t fly back home on Thursday. Well, if I wanted to throw away $500 I could have. I didn’t. So I hung out in bed in my nice Hilton room. At least it was a nice room.
Once I got home I began pondering this over and over. Stressing over it really. Where did I got wrong? Why did I get bitten in the ass once again?
Then yesterday I was listening to something or other and one phrase caused me to say out loud to myself “The decision to go on the trip was made in Ego.” BAM! I had not honored my body or spirit in this matter, and so it made me sit the F down and take a time out. And truthfully, once I did that, I was better immediately. Like cough gone, felt better immediately. DUH.
Part of what informed my intuition here is that I also got an instant reminder of while I was sick, being shown exactly what to do and when. Here’s an example…I was coughing and kept seeing an image of myself making a glass of hot salt water to gargle. I kept ignoring it but finally got up and did that. It was just what I needed at that time. I had several other instances like that, and they repeated in my mind’s eye until I stopped ignoring them and acted.
For whatever reason, my body wanted to rest. I did not honor that but instead honored my ego who said things like “go to the meeting” and “get out of bed lazy.” But really the big picture is that I made the wrong decision for me at that time because I used only logic to make it. Was it the best decision I could make at that time? Unfortunately, yes it was. I was tired, and I was stressed about what was on my plate to complete and was focused only on that. Truly I was on the spectrum of Fear. Had I been more heart-centered (or in the spectrum of Love), I would have felt (heart) and known (mind/logic) what was right for me in that now. It’s a classic example of just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Anyway, once I released that yesterday I have felt much better in both my mind and spirit. It was weighing me down. I made a mistake and in some way failed by not choosing correctly the first time. So I’ll probably have to repeat this scenario again. But I did figure it out and connected with it, so hopefully next time around I’ll check this one off and be done with it.
Blessings and love,
#missingerin
