Still no house buyers, but I was nudged strongly to go take down Erin’s posters today, so I did. It was surreal in the sense that I was upset about it but unfeeling as I did it. I guess that was what was needed. I then launched into her stuffed animals again, and weeded many out that I can no longer remember why I kept. That bothers me. Why can’t I remember? I only kept what meant something 2-3 years ago when I did this the first time. But I can’t remember what I can’t remember. Sigh.
That took me all of 20 minutes but it felt like an activity that lasted days. I have a headache building now. Moving energy again and the painful kind. She would be 14 now and likely would not want that in her room. How is that possible? I had to count it on my fingers to be sure. 12/11/2003.
The playroom is nearly empty now. I feel as I type that it’s time to just box up all of her stuff. And it makes me cry, but it was a pure feeling and so I know it’s what I need to do. I can’t do it today though. Maybe this weekend. It has to be done anyway. We are moving, and the buyer will pop up and it will be over before we know it.
I found a bin full of MY Barbie stuff. I looked in it briefly and it was like seeing old friends again. I can’t get rid of them. I will at least keep them awhile longer, along with my baby blanket and a few things from childhood. The thing is that I don’t really remember that part of my childhood. I guess I blocked it out. Another sigh.
This wasn’t even what I was going to write about. I was going to write about all of the ugliness that people are spewing about children on the internet, the news, and to each other these days. It is upsetting to me. Most of them are somewhat decent people who would feel so badly if something happened to the kids they are denigrating with their words. and if it was being said to or about their child, they would feel even worse. I know how it feels to have regret. I have it in spades. Don’t be me. Think before you speak, and even consider considering someone else’s point of view as valid – just as yours is valid.
And since I have nothing more constructive to say, it’s time to go. Farewell and blessings to you today. And #missingerin <3
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The tipping date is July 1st this year……just keep it together until then…..Full Moon tonight very powerful…….She has been assigned to Korbola…….you have the ability to “find” her again…..do not give up hope and good luck in the selling of your house . Alex and Ani excited for you.
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And you know I will never give up looking!