I still struggle to share and write, and realize that I am doing as much turning away as I am leaning in. Aren’t we all just struggling to survive most days? I guess that’s the glass half empty viewpoint. I could also say how much wonderfulness there is in the world. It’s always a double-edged sword.
After I wrote the last time I’ve done some pondering and gotten several opinions from friends on a spiritual path about my current tale of woe. The signs are clear – I just didn’t want to accept them. Our foundations are not yet ready (to build upon).
They started out damp, as if they were not yet firm enough to begin. Of course we pushed…I’m on a schedule here right? Wrong. The universe works in its own time. Our driveway (that saga continues) was apparently treated with an accelerator which caused it to crack because it hardened too soon and could not let that moisture out. I suppose this is a clue of what not to do right?
In “real life,” had we been more flexible it would have resulted in certain continued upheaval and definitely more money (storage for furniture, moving it twice, rent, etc.). The real life result is that it resulted in continued upheaval and more money spent to fix the problems. Don’t you love the irony?
I do love irony, but it sucks when I’m the one it bites in the ass. On a more positive note, I understand where things are going and don’t feel so out of control.
Many of you might remember, but in two days it’s the 4th anniversary of when Erin’s body died. That horrible saga started months before, and the most horrible period started in mid-July. It basically ruins July and August of every stinking year, and Shaun and I both buckle under the stress. I know that how we navigate through the next few days and few weeks even will help us to lay down a new foundation.
I say this a lot, but I share in part to process my own stuff, and in part in hopes that my experiences will help someone else. It’s hard, damn hard, to see your own shit when you are in the middle of it. This stuff (foundations, etc.) is textbook and yet I couldn’t or wouldn’t see it. I really didn’t break out of being stuck until someone told me last week that this is my chance to lay new foundations and build a “house” that is perfect for me.
Please remember Erin this week by opening your heart to kindness towards others. That includes all living things. Your story is not anyone else’s story and so you can’t possibly understand their situation. You can be kind and maybe change their life.
#missingerin and many blessings <3
