Greetings. You may have noticed I am back to actual blog titles and I can’t tell you why, only that it is time.
I also am back to providing a title without knowing exactly what I am going to write. The titles come to me and voila, then so do the words. It may or may not be what I think I’m going to write when I got the initial urge.
I have a terrible case of “What’s the use” lately. No matter how much I personally grow or change, I seem to see the same old same old reflected back at me. The world is more chaotic than it was yesterday, less kind, and is continuing to be governed by old white men. I mean the last one as a cliche. I’m married to a white man whom I love very much and who doesn’t fall into the cliche category at all other than via gender and skin color. I think you know what I mean though.
Some of you know that I follow Magenta Pixie and the 9 that she channels and I resonate with them very much. But if the chaos of the whole Kavanaugh thing wasn’t enough, the 9 decided to tell us that he holds Excalibur and the energy of truth. For whatever reason, that threw me into several days of despair. It didn’t help that when I asked a question on her FB thread, some man hijacked me emotionally by preaching to me about abortion. He was pushing his agenda on me…my question didn’t mention that at all nor was my intended question about it.
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about Magenta Pixie or the 9 or even that man (who I’m still a little cross with because I still feel emotionally hijacked). Well maybe it is about that man somewhat. I felt completely unheard and unvalued. He took a very generalized question and projected his issue on me, and continued to do so over 3 replies. I’m still left feeling incomplete and WTF. And even so, he’s not a woman nor has he been pregnant in this lifetime. So he is really not qualified to comment.
And now I remember why I wanted to write to begin with. We have got to change this conversation that we are having. You know the one we don’t even know we are having? The one where we hold females accountable for the way we look, speak, feel, and how our very existence affects others but how we don’t hold males accountable for the same? I have nothing against men…this is about equality. Equity and balance. And yes, truth and justice.
For example, maybe if this man was so damn upset about abortion he could get out and preach to mankind about wearing condoms, talking to them about their sperm, vasectomies, or even taking care of children that they seeded that the mothers don’t want. But nope, it’s all on the females. Don’t get pregnant. Don’t sleep around. Don’t entice men by wearing that. If you have this baby YOU are responsible for it. Blah blah blah. This is a story that has been told for thousands of years. Oh, and don’t forget how dirty we are for even wanting or thinking about sex.
And we don’t just get it from men. We get it from other women. I learned early on to never talk about sex and that anyone who was having it was a dirty slut. Yep…to this day I catch myself denying sex in public. As if anyone would believe I’ve had it the one time I had a child. The programming is strong.
Men who have sex and are open about it? You dog! (said playfully)
I really don’t know how I got on sex here but it’s a similar story for women on other subjects. You mad today? Must be that time of the month, you bitch. Upset because your dog died? Emotionally unstable. Fucking fed up? Irrational, emotionally unstable, unfit. The list goes on.
I can tell you that I’m fucking fed up. Fucking. See how I merged unstable emotions and sex? Oh yeah, and ladies don’t curse. Fuck you she said.
If you are still reading, thanks. I needed to get that out. But I also wanted to tell you to keep an open mind. Things are bleak, ladies and gentlemen, but we are witnessing great change I hope. I drew a card when I was a little despondent about that Kavanaugh fellow and it was the Home card from the Wildwood deck. Although I can’t see it right now, his confirmation is a milestone on my journey home. I can live with this madness a little while longer.
Love, blessings, and #missingerin (so much that it ruins most days)
