Well, I felt that title strongly, but as of yet I’m not quite sure what it’s about. I love how it flows but sometimes am bewildered in a good way.
Commitment to writing today? Because I opened it, closed it, and then hemmed and hawed about it some. I’ve been doing some studying to renew my PMP (PDU credits), and going through some email and articles. There is a theme – trust what your heart tells you. That’s it in a nutshell, but it was presented in several different ways. I guess that’s being committed to your self right? To your truth, your path? It seems important but I can’t seem to elaborate on it.
I’m still pondering how interact with unkind people. Not how to feel about them – I feel love and gratitude for them even if it is tinged with confusion or sadness. But what to DO with them. I don’t have to do anything with them, but I can’t sit and let them spew ugliness either. So hmmm…I’m clearly committed to this line of pondering.
While pondering just now, I realize that I am committed to my journey. Since around 1998 I’ve been on a spiritual journey. I’ve learned and expanded, continue to do so, and have changed ever so slightly each time that I gain more understanding. Building on a foundation. When Erin left this plane of existence, that house burned down and the foundation was shattered. I was going to walk away but stayed the course after a few weeks of being completely disconnected from all that is. I feel that now I have completed a major portion of this life’s journey as I am on some circular wheel now, and need to get off and get on another pathway. I take what I am with me, and build and expand upon it as I go.
If it feels right in your heart, commit to it fully. Once your brain gets in the way, your ego will let fear step in and tell you all of the reasons your previous excitement was stupid and careless. I unfortunately know that you might not have “some day” to do it later. Commit to following your heart – and unconditional love and peace within – now.
Love and blessings <3 #missingerin <3
3 comments
Hey, it’s Darrah. I’ve always loved your writing and your story hits me to the core. I am a metaphysical Christian but that’s not the point. My mother lost her son (favorite child) and my brother (best friend) to a car accident long ago. As I held my own newborn son giving him a feeding, mom one room over, I got the call. That was in 2002. For the next 8 years Mom lived with me moving around for my career etc. point is, I saw, understood and felt her grief every single day and now that I buried her two years ago, stand in awe of her strength to carry on. Not sure I could. I’m a situational empath I suppose. And I have grieved with and for you for years. My son is now 18. There is nothing that will ever make sense again about bitching and whining, yet I continue. I guess the point is, I don’t understand, and I know I never want to understand and I’ve been close enough to know that
P.s. keep writing
Author
Hi Darrah,
I read your comment when you wrote it (I know it’s been awhile) but have had a really rough spring and haven’t been communicating much. But I want you to know that I so appreciate your kindness and reaching out. I remember when your brother passed. My husband knew him in high school and was sad. Little did we know at that time what events like that really meant and probably couldn’t empathize as well as we can now.
It’s a weird thing with grieving parents. We get frustrated that others don’t understand…but we never want you to. And I do understand why I couldn’t “go there” in the past with other grieving parents, but I’m still ashamed of it for many reasons. That’s my baggage – I sure hope you don’t carry that around. It sounds like your mother was well-loved by you and I’m sure you and your son are what got her through her day to day life.
Thank you again, and I’m so sorry it took this long to reach back out. My health has actually suffered from my lack of expressing. Holding it in without processing it isn’t good for you. Don’t be me 🙂 🙂
Much Love,
Nicole