Well, maybe not literally, but it feels that way. This time I haven’t had a hard time expressing, but have been holding it in. I have never been known to back down from a sensitive topic or even an argument for that matter, but I’ve changed. Since I’ve been #missingerin, I have not only changed my perspective but I’ve got very little energy for conflict. And now, for the first time in this life, I’ve found myself feeling like I am marginalized.
As a female, I never felt like I was less than. I didn’t experience what I considered different treatment until I was nearly 30 and in the workplace, and it was both eye-opening and unnerving. But it didn’t make me skip a beat, because I knew that I was supported by both people and my employer.
I have different religious beliefs than mainstream. I don’t broadcast it, but I am not afraid to speak up.
I have lots of dirty laundry, and again I don’t broadcast it, but I am not afraid to tell you about it.
So now I find myself in new territory. I am part of a group of like minded people who have become the bullied, the unclean even. We have varied opinions actually. Some of us believe many different things about the topic, some just don’t want medical mandates. We are the unvaccinated. We have learned that we cannot speak freely, that we can’t seem to break the narrative that MSM (mainstream media) has distributed, and we are being treated as I assume a minority of any kind would be treated. I assume that because I feel like I imagine minorities feel.
It doesn’t feel good. I am truly sorry for anyone who has had to blend in for fear of repercussions, who has had to adapt unwillingly for their own safety, who has lived in any sort of fear. What do I have to fear you ask? I have bills just like you. I have a home. I have obligations to other people. I also have a desire not to be ostracized, bullied, called names, and a desire to be loved and not feared. I’m well-read and I could present scientific data for you to consider, but most of you will not consider it, and my energy would be wasted. How do I know this? From experience telling some of you what I learned, then being expected to defend it as I would a thesis. No thank you.
The stress of potentially being excluded from employment is causing me headaches and what feels like a stomach ulcer. I have strong feelings about this, so I also have the same stress regarding my husband’s employment.
I have strong feelings about this, and I’m well-read on the subjects involved. I know I have already mentioned that. So now I have to reconcile the mundane me who wants to shout and spew and rant and rave with the more spiritual me who knows that I really just need to hold the space and mold my vibration towards the world that I DO want vs what I don’t want. And I have strong feelings about this and am personally affected, so that is hard to do.
There are many of us out there. Most of us are quiet. We are thankful for our brothers and sisters who are standing up for us publicly. Many of us can’t for employment reasons, or just because we don’t have it in us to do so. We will be strong for you in other ways though. And I hope that all of us can find it within ourselves to love our other brothers and sisters who disagree and may be forcing this upon us. They don’t realize what they are driving here, or what the consequences will be.
Namaste and hugs,
Nicole
