I started writing this and have started over. It’s such an involved topic. I could really write separate articles talking about self worth, body image, “new age” ideas of what is spiritual…the list really goes on and on. But my real intent is to take you on my Tummy Tuck & Lipo journey, so let’s go!
The first step of my journey took years and I mean that literally. It was a journey within where I had to overcome personal roadblocks both physically and mentally. Some of them are listed below and in no certain order.
Roadblock #1 – I Can Do This Myself
This may have been the hardest roadblock to overcome for me so I’m listing it first. I was a lifelong exerciser before I was pregnant, and was still moderately active for awhile after (that was nearly 20 years ago). I had always been prone to gaining weight, but I could whip myself back into decent shape (and size) with moderate ease at least. I exercised during my entire pregnancy, except for a 1-2 week period. During that period I gained 10 lbs!
No one told me to listen to my body after Erin came. The doctor told me wait 6 weeks, so I did. I was ready to start moving again after 3 weeks, and by 6 weeks I was tired and lethargic. I was also 160 lbs compared to my 135 lb pre-baby weight. I did not understand that aside from being sleep deprived, my hormones had changed which changes how your body responds to things. Fast-forward 6 months, I went back to work and gained another 10 lbs putting me at 170. I’m not judging you, but I am 5’4″ and 170 was hard for me to carry. I was even slower, more lethargic, and my back started to hurt more often than it ever had before.
By the way, with a LOT of work I managed to lose 5-10 lbs over the years but never really shook 160 until my child, Erin, died. I stopped eating for all intents and purposes for 6 months and was then 142. I thought what a great time to start working out again! But nope, I started eating and gained weight and mass (inches). So I got discouraged and stopped.
Fast forward 6-8 years and I realized that I could drop maybe 2-3 lbs max when I tried really hard. I once got down to around 150 again but I was eating very little and walking 3 miles 4 times a week. And then we confirmed that we had been living with mold (aspergillus) for 3 years, during which time I had a knee, shoulder, and thyroid surgery. No matter what I did it didn’t come off. Buying clothes, taking pictures, you name it – it was depressing to me. And my mobility was decreasing, and I didn’t sleep due to intense back pain, and everything was piling on. “Just exercise” was now cause for me to fly off the handle with anyone who said it. It’s not that it was a bad suggestion, but it wasn’t working FOR ME.
Roadblock #2 – Judging Others
Feeling bad about Self causes us to sometimes be jealous of others who have what we want. I am no exception despite trying my hardest. It’s the “I don’t want that anyway” syndrome.
I think that most of us think about cosmetic surgery in the context of a celebrity/influencer type who is looking to make money off of their looks, or maybe clearly wants an attention feedback loop going 24/7. Maybe you know someone like that who is just a regular person, but I’m sure we all know someone. It’s easy to judge by saying things like “She only looks that good because she has had (insert here) surgery,” even if we only say it to ourselves. That only sort of makes you feel better about your Self, and it isn’t uplifting to the person on the other end of the judgment.
I mean, why can’t they just look good, period? And why can’t other women applaud them for being their best? Keep in mind I’m not talking about anyone in particular, as there is surely someone out there who becomes obsessed with their appearance. I’m talking about regular people. I’ll share something with y’all…I used to totally judge people who used Botox. Because I wanted to be wrinkle free but thought I had to on my own so why do they get to be wrinkle free and I don’t?!?!? You see the downward spiral that takes us into.
Roadblock #3 – But I Can’t Do That Because I’m Spiritual and Cosmetic Anything is So 3D
All of that led me to my last major header roadblock. I know that I’m not any different from millions of spiritual path folks, so I’m going to throw this scenario out and I bet it will stick for you (it’s MY scenario).
First, most people who embark on a spiritual journey, as opposed to continuing in the mundane material path (typically referred to as 3D to reference the 3rd dimension), most of us tend to neglect the physical body. It’s not that we intentionally do it. It’s more that we are so excited about all of the non-physical stuff we are learning and doing that it just sort of happens.
Later, we find out that we’ve been moving all of this energy and speeding up processing negative emotions and such, and it has taken a toll on our body. Oh, we forgot to take care of the body! And then we find ourselves in situations where we are debilitated and must take care of the body. It can be a vicious cycle.
And oh, let’s not forget that we can heal ourselves, and we can de-age, and we should be able to do all of this ourselves. For the record, I actually believe all of these things down to my bones, but I am unable to successfully do any of them at this time. And I shoulded all over myself didn’t I. I had a grief therapist tell me that once – don’t should on yourself. So I’m sharing that with you now. And yes, it is akin to shitting on yourself.
But wait, I’m not done! I should be happy with my body just as it is. If I am not I’m doing a bad thing not loving my body and my Self. That is probably the one that got me the most. I was damned if I did anything, and damned if I didn’t.
One more – the cost. It’s expensive to have body work done. What sort of person am I if I spend $$ on cosmetic surgery? I must be a bad, selfish, materialistic person right?
My Conclusions
One day I finally just said something similar to what I’m about to type for you to myself. I’m human, and I’m not happy with this vehicle. I haven’t taken the greatest care of it and now I have the means to fix it. Younger me did not have the funds, and would have been doing it for vanity’s sake. I do want to look more like Me, but I’m in pain. My back hurts. My clothes never fit. Everything hurts, I don’t sleep, and I am going to tweak this body where it needs to be tweaked. I then reminded myself that I actually do love Me, which means I love my body, but it needs some changes. By the way I figure it, I’m helping myself more than hurting.
And with that, I went out and got a consultation. But as synchronicity would have it, two ladies that I work with both shared the doctor they had gone to for cosmetic surgery. It took me 2 months to get in for a consultation, but I knew when I walked in that I was going to do this so after pricing, I booked the first available surgery date for 5 weeks out and never looked back.
I Actually Got Some Spiritual Value!
I got some bang for my buck here on my spiritual path as well.
I stood on my own two feet on this one. I didn’t ask for advice, or read about the spiritual implications (i.e., other people’s opinions or their guidance for them). I actually listened to my intuition and made my own decision Yay me!
I also paid for this 100% with my own funds. Well, I applied for and took out a personal loan with my bank and put some of my own funds with it. This is a first for me. I didn’t start this particular life out being very financially adept, but now I’m standing on my own two feet and I’m not afraid to do that anymore. It was supposed to be this way. I added on lipo for my arms at the last minute, and wanted to save about $150 by paying cash so asked my husband for a loan. This turned into an argument later on in the day, so I backed out on the ask and paid it on my credit card. The argument was stupid and silly and poor guy, I know he was supposed to do that so that I would shoulder this one myself. I can, and I am.
Conclusion
Is this surgery going to make my life perfect, or better, or something else? Absolutely not! I want everyone to be clear on that for your own decisions and also about mine. Will it make the physical part of this journey easier or more to my liking? I think it will do that and while I can conjecture, the ways are still yet to be seen. Still, I was “done” and ready to move on to the “I’m done with this shit and not doing it anymore” phase. I’m now there, 5 days post-op. For anyone interested in the recovery and results, I’ll start an article on that soon. What I’ll tell you up front is the lipo isn’t so bad, but the tummy tuck was pretty intense and will remain sore and painful for awhile.
Thanks for sharing my journey!
<3
1 comments
As always thank for for sharing & honesty love you