Nicole
Author's posts
Mar 22
Just Stuff
I began this originally by basically apologizing for my ideology. I don’t like to alienate people, as I believe that we all have common threads that unite us if we could all just see past our judgments and biases. ALL of those are learned, and as you well know we usually find out at some …
Mar 15
Several Days Worth of Stuff
No, I haven’t written in several days for several reasons. I have been very busy with work. So busy in fact that I have barely had time to go to the bathroom some days. And when I am not busy, it only takes seconds for me to miss my baby girl and have a short …
Mar 03
Long and Winding Road
Ah, that song, or at least that verse, plays out over and over in my mind today. I was on the way to work this morning thinking that I would write about joy. Not my joy, but the idea that joy instead of constant fear would change the whole world. And it would, but the …
Mar 02
Just…Missing Erin
I don’t know what more seems like a dream: Erin dying, or remembering that I had a daughter. Because neither seem real most days. Her memory is fading, at least in ways that make the absence very pronounced. Her “balloon” that she drew on in early July, all of the air suddenly came out on …
Feb 19
Fighting for My Light
Yes, that’s a play on words. I am truly fighting for my light, which in this case is “life” as it is all that I have left in this “life” so to speak. In that regard, yesterday was a dark day. If I could describe what this level of sadness feels like to you, it …
Feb 18
Survival of the Lightest?
After posting This Little Light, I began thinking about survival. Survival instincts are what really spurred me to write the other blog post to start with. I had a bad night on 2/16, and as I was crying myself to sleep I had a fleeting thought of someone coming into my aunt’s home with a …
Feb 17
This Little Light
By now you probably figured out that I write mostly when my heart is heavy. And it is. There are many things that pile up that make even breathing too hard to bear. “Normal” people cannot understand it, and for good reason. I don’t judge them for it, because it is what it is, even …
Feb 10
Be-Reaved
It had not occurred to me that the meaning of bereaved was literally “torn apart.” That is exactly what happens to you during grief of any sort. While I have to admit to myself that losing a child must be the absolute worst, I also know that grief is relative to the situation and the …
Feb 03
Perspective – Where do I start?
Funny, as I was logging in I thought my first words would be “Where do I start?” Then as soon as I saw the Dashboard, I saw a draft from January 8 that says “Where do I start?” for the first words. Wow. Am I stuck in a loop? So let me start with my …
Jan 27
Matters of the Heart
Again, it has been several days since I last wrote. I am finding it harder and harder to speak about my feelings lately, and I’m unsure why. By the way, I just wrote “lastly” instead of lately, so I need to pay attention to that. I looked it up, the nerdy person that I am, …