Nicole
Author's posts
Sep 26
Just Thoughts
No title yet today as I begin writing. I just know I need to get it all out now. Whatever “it” is, I’m not sure, but so far it has flowed out some with tears and I can feel the energy inside of me building up. I am frustrated that it never fails that I …
Sep 25
Still a Mommy
After such a different day yesterday – yes, I am reluctant to say better because that isn’t entirely accurate – after such a different day, Shaun and I decided to grab a bite to eat last night. We went to Tortora’s at Hampton Cove. As a family, we have always loved Tortora’s. Erin loved it. …
Sep 24
Boldly Going
I’m cautiously optimistic this morning. Yes, I still woke up with a clinched up heart chakra and somewhat of a rolling in my stomach, but I am sort of OK. Now that sounds pretty pitiful doesn’t it! The fact that I am pleased with being “sort of OK.” Well that is what it has come …
Sep 23
(No title)
I decided that I want to share some more today. Yesterday was the Autumn Equinox. Historically, the Equinox and the Solstice, both coming twice a year, are very important. If you don’t think so, consider that the Christian religion assumed them into their own tradition (Christmas and Yule, for example). But that’s not my point. …
Sep 23
Bad Morning, First Thing
I woke up this morning and thought I had talked myself out of the regular gut clinching, heart grabbing panic. No deal though. As I sit and write this, my gut is rolled up in balls and I can barely breathe. I have managed to keep the thoughts about why (i.e., Erin) under wraps for …
Sep 22
Different Flavors
Right now I have a calmness in my heart that I have not had in a long while. It is layered with sadness, sort of like a layered cake or a casserole. That analogy just occurred to me by the way. It has its own flavor. Emotions come in many flavors. Like Apple Cinnamon or …
Sep 20
The Fear that Binds
I am afraid. I read something this morning, talking about how grief makes it frightening to go into the grocery store because you are reminded of your loved one at every turn. This was but one example, and it’s true. I think at first I just felt that it made me sad. Now I realize …
Sep 20
Saturday (Lack of) Thoughts
I am not quite sure what to share today. I still feel awful, like life isn’t worth living, and like my life is over. It’s funny…I never wanted kids, and then when I got pregnant I fell in love. And I’m still in love with her even though she is not here. I never wanted …
Sep 19
Inner Dialogue
First I want to say that today, I feel stable. It is not because of some inner breakthrough, though. It is because on the advice of Beth Terrence at The Heart of Awakening that I added the Bach remedy Sweet Chestnut to the Bach Star of Bethlehem that I was already taking. In short, the …
Sep 18
Two Stories
Here are two stories of things that happened, that I know was Erin letting us all know how much she cares and that she is still around “somewhere.” I have a mentally-disabled uncle, Uncle Joel, who was born with reduced mental faculties and lives with one of my aunts since my grandparents passed away. A …