I am afraid. I read something this morning, talking about how grief makes it frightening to go into the grocery store because you are reminded of your loved one at every turn. This was but one example, and it’s true. I think at first I just felt that it made me sad. Now I realize …
Category: Blog
Sep 20
Saturday (Lack of) Thoughts
I am not quite sure what to share today. I still feel awful, like life isn’t worth living, and like my life is over. It’s funny…I never wanted kids, and then when I got pregnant I fell in love. And I’m still in love with her even though she is not here. I never wanted …
Sep 19
Inner Dialogue
First I want to say that today, I feel stable. It is not because of some inner breakthrough, though. It is because on the advice of Beth Terrence at The Heart of Awakening that I added the Bach remedy Sweet Chestnut to the Bach Star of Bethlehem that I was already taking. In short, the …
Sep 18
Two Stories
Here are two stories of things that happened, that I know was Erin letting us all know how much she cares and that she is still around “somewhere.” I have a mentally-disabled uncle, Uncle Joel, who was born with reduced mental faculties and lives with one of my aunts since my grandparents passed away. A …
Sep 18
Just UGH
I had planned to share some stories about things people have told me happened after Erin’s death this morning, but I did not wake up with a smile on my face so I’m going to table it for now. I woke up panicked again. I knew she was dead and not missing, but the feeling …
Sep 17
Teetering this Morning
Well today is a new day, and it could go either way at this point. I had a relatively good night last night and I did notice but I was unsure why. At some point during my decent evening, a friend sent me an article that happened to be about Alexander the Great and Hephaestion. …
Sep 16
This Journey…
You know, I just realized something. Well, I have been “uncomfortable” with “polluting” my metaphysical website, which I have had for many years (I know I don’t update it much), with my unending grief. But I had a revelation. The subtitle is The Journey Home. This is part of the journey home, for me. Maybe …
Sep 16
Nothing
I have no title today. Usually I write the title first. It just pops into my head and there it is, and then I write and usually it fits somewhat at least. Today there is nothing. I have been saying I feel empty and perhaps this “nothing” in my mind has caught up to the …
Sep 15
Ups N Downs
I must say I have more downs than ups lately. And I have noticed a few things that don’t make me feel much better about anything. First, I have noticed that when I look into Erin’s room, I now Know (big K) that no one lives in there anymore. Even the items on her walls …
Sep 14
Life, the Great Teacher
The past few days have been utterly terrible for me. It is difficult to start a day when you already feel bad. Emotions do affect how your physical body feels. Think about it…when you are upset, you get a sick stomach or a headache or something. In metaphysics they call it the Emotional Body, and …