Nov 08
I pulled a card from my deck late today. I went out with friends last night, had a rather good time, got home late, and was tired all day. I sang karaoke too. Never do that, but I love to sing! I have had a change in perspective since Erin died. I care much less …
Oct 28
Yesterday was not a good day. I found myself isolating me from my mind all day. It didn’t matter what I was doing. The point was to keep my mind busy on some task, any task, to avoid thinking about the obvious. And therein lies the problem. This is ALWAYS on my mind. I don’t …
Oct 26
Had a fun trip to Auburn and Montgomery yesterday. If my tone sounds sort of flat, well, it is. I guess that is what being depressed for months will do to you. I enjoyed myself, but that is a misnomer because there wasn’t really any joy. I have been keenly aware that when I am …
Oct 23
I am all over the place this morning. I woke up tired and upset, and felt like I actually had something missing in my heart chakra area. I am not sure I’ve quite felt that way yet, and so it was noticeable. I notice all sorts of subtle changes in myself on a daily basis …
Oct 21
I know I said that I would finish the Formula of Compassion on Erin today, but I am not sure that I can just yet. For whatever reason, it opened up a lot more emotion and I have had a hard time dealing with it. Ok, I just lied. It’s about letting go. If I …
Oct 20
This morning, I thought “I want to write!” But I had to ask myself why. It’s not so much that I have something to say. It’s more that I have to find an outlet for these overwhelming emotions that constantly bombard me. I don’t invite them in. They come uninvited and in large groups. It’s …
Oct 18
Yeah, I took a page out of the Walking Dead lore with this title. I guess I must be walking around just like Rick did after Lori died doing stuff and things. You know, nothing of importance or that you can even remember. And the irony is that what I have left of Erin is …
Oct 16
I have no post title at writing time today. Not sure why that is so significant to me, but it signals to me that I feel the need to write yet have no direction. I can say that I have come to some stark realizations as of late, and it has left me with a …
Oct 14
Well, I have been busy since Friday and unable to post. I tried yesterday but was kept busy by my aunt who is visiting. I come from a family of talkers, and whether she meant to or not she talked my ear off all day and left me little time to grieve. LOL! I guess …
Oct 10
Getting ready to travel to my relatives home for the big game, but I’m a little sad this morning. I was a lot sad last night. I don’t fault Shaun for going to visit friends, so don’t take this that way, but when I am alone at night I seem to fall apart. Around 10pm …